猫帽 -
Everyone knows that we have four ancient civilizations, which are ancient Egypt, Babylon, India and China. In these civilizations, a lot of records were found about the（去掉the） communication. As many people think, many of communication principles were taught in ancient Greece over twenty-five hundred years ago. At that time, many orators, such as(建议将such as改为like, http://wenku.baidu.com/view/e2512a768e9951e79b892727.html) Plato, Aristotle and Cicero, made their famous speaking（speakings）. Today, I will talk about the famous ancient orator and philosopher, Aristotle.
First（firstly,） I will describe about(去掉about) Aristotle"s life. Aristotle, one of Plato"s greatest students, was born in 384 BC. He studied（began his study） at the Academy when he was seven years old,.(符号多了一个) He was there at the beginning as a student（as a student at the beginning）, and then finally（then和finally去掉一个) became a teacher. He seemed(seemed 是好像的意思，用在这里不恰当吧，根据后文的意思started to break away from Platonism，这里建议直接用一般过去式，就是He adopted and developed Platonic ideas while there and expressed them in dialogue form，) to adopted and developed Platonic ideas while there and to have expressed them in dialogue form. After Plato died, Aristotle then left to open a branch of the Academy. This Academy focused more on biology. [1]
There he met Hermias, another former student of Plato, who had become (the)king of Assos. At that time, Aristotle married Hermias(Hermia"s) niece, Pythias, who died ten years later. During these years in Assos, Aristotle started to break away from Platonism and developed his own ideas. In 335 BC, Aristotle returned to Athens. He found(founded,建立，find是找到) his own school this time; it was named the（the 去掉） Lyceum. [1] At that time, he made a lot of speeches, which（把which去掉或者改为some of which are） some of them are famous in our world（were famous in the world, are still famous in our world, are famous in the world这三个句子挑一个号了，我认为第二个不错）. He started to develop his own style （加in，或者改为communication style）communication. In 323 BC, resentment against the Macedonia hegemony seethed and riots broke out. Aristotle was accused of impiety, and his life become(改为became) in serious jeopardy. So he left Athens, and went to his late mother"s（step mother 是继母的意思） estate at Chalcis on the island of Euboea. He died there in the next year, 322 BC. [1]
Then I will talk about Aristotle"s speeches. Aristotle made many speeches when he was in Lyceum .Even though（这个短语用在这里很奇怪，跟上下文不衔接，直接去掉应该连贯些） most of Aristotle"s speeches were talking about the（the 去掉） science; some of them are talking about the（the 去掉） life. Here are some sentences in his speeches.
1. All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
2. Education is the best provision for the journey to old age.
3. It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
4. Pleasure in the job put perfection in the work.
5. To perceive is to suffer.
6. It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.
7. For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.
8. One swallow does not make a summer. [2]
From these speech sentences, people will easily find how Aristotle discussed（从下文的意思看，应该是用attracted，否则的话，这句话应该是what Aristotle discussed with或者是how Aristotle was discussed by） the audience. By first sentence, Aristotle maybe want to encourage people to focus on his speech, he talked how tired the jobs(我认为不是tired，前文用的是paid，就是关于钱了，所以应该是he talked how paid jobs) were to attract people"s attention. For women（这个不可能是对女人说的，亚里士多德时代妇女能听演讲？？应该是对young people）, he used the second sentence” Education is the best provision for the journey to old age” to persuade women（young men） to listen his speaking. In fact, Aristotle was good at persuading people when he"s speaking.
陶小凡 -
In these civilizations => Among these civilizations
As many people think=> As many people may have known
made their famous speaking=>made their famous speeches
to adopted and developed=> to have adopted and developed
Platonic ideas while there =>Platonic ideas there
in dialogue form=> in a dialogue form
to open a branch of the Academy. => to set up a ...
become king of Assos=> become the king of Assos
Hermias niece=>the niece of Hermias
which some of them are famous=>some of which are famous
his own style communication.=> his own communication style.
his life become in serious jeopardy=>his life becomes in serious jeopardy
late mother"s => step mother"s
about the science=> about science
about the life=>about life
discussed the audience =>discussed with the audience.
By first sentence=>As for the first sentence
when he"s speaking. =>when he was speaking. 或者in his speeches.
等会儿去看下半部分。还有，不要用分号。直接分成两个句子，或者用从句。 另外By first sentence, Aristotle maybe want to encourage people to focus on his speech, he talked how tired the jobs were to attract people"s attention.是两个句子。不要连在一起。
kven -
Everyone knows that we have four ancient civilizations, which are ancient Egypt, Babylon, India and China. In these civilizations, a lot of records were found about （the可以去掉。the 表示特指，这里应该是泛指） communication. As many people think, many （of 可以去掉。many后面直接加名词，many of 后面加代词）communication principles were taught in ancient Greece over twenty-five hundred years ago. At that time, many orators, such as Plato, Aristotle and Cicero, made their famous （speakings. speaking表示“演讲”时是可数名词）. Today, I will talk about the famous ancient orator and philosopher, Aristotle.
First I will describe （about 可以去掉。describe是及物动词）Aristotle"s life. Aristotle, one of Plato"s greatest students, was born in 384 BC. He studied at the Academy when he was seven years old,. （He was there at the beginning as a student语序不符合语感。改为 At the beginning he was a student there）, and then （添加he，语感）(finally 去掉，否则then 与finally逻辑结构重复)became a teacher. He seemed to adopted and developed Platonic ideas while there and to have expressed them in dialogue form. After Plato died, Aristotle then left to open a branch of the Academy. This Academy focused more on biology. [1]
There he met Hermias, another former student of Plato, who had become (添加the，可数名词前要加冠词） king of Assos. At that time, Aristotle married Hermias niece, Pythias, who died ten years later. During these years in Assos, Aristotle started to break away from Platonism and developed his own ideas. In 335 BC, Aristotle returned to Athens. He （found改为founded，found是find的过去式，是“建立”的原型。这里应该用“建立”） his own school this time; it was named （the去掉）Lyceum. [1] At that time, he made a lot of speeches, （which some of them 改为some of which）(are 改为were)famous in (our 改为the比较好)world. He started to develop his own （style communication改为 communication style）. In 323 BC, resentment against the Macedonia hegemony seethed and riots broke out. Aristotle was accused of impiety, and his life （become 改为became）in serious jeopardy. So he left Athens, and went to his (late mother改为stepmother)"s estate at Chalcis on the island of Euboea. He died there in the next year, 322 BC. [1]
Then I will talk about Aristotle"s speeches. Aristotle made many speeches when he was in Lyceum .Even though most of Aristotle"s speeches were (talking去掉) about （the去掉） science; some of them are （talking） about （the ）life. Here are some sentences in his speeches。【it is about 就可以了。science和life在这里都不是特指，这里也有语感的成分。】
……
From these speech sentences, people will easily find how Aristotle discussed （添加with）the audience. By （加the，序数词前加the）first sentence, Aristotle maybe (want改为wanted) to encourage people to focus on his speech, he talked how (tired改为tiring。-ed是形容人的，-ing是形容事物的) the jobs were to attract people"s attention. For women, he used the second sentence“ Education is the best provision for the journey to old age” to persuade women to listen （添加to.）his speaking. In fact, Aristotle was good at persuading people when he"s speaking.
Why did so many (audiences改为audience。这是个集合名词。 )listen to Aristotle"s speeches? The reason is the ancient environment. Under this environment, People"s public communication tried to deal with the daily （problem改为复数problems） at that time. For example, people were carious about the sharp of the earth. In Aristotle"s speeches, even though he just guessed the earth was a ball by watching the far mountain, his speaking was a way to solve people"s (unknown改为复数。 n. 1.默默无闻的人; 未知的事物[C]可数名词[the S]). In fact, at Classical Period, people were beginning to use their poor knowledge to deal with the unknown things.
At last, when we evaluate the Aristotle"s speeches, we find that his persuasive speaking was effectively (reminded改为reflected) in audience"s mind. After his speaking, many new orators and philosophers came out to do express their knowledge with their own styles. His speeches opened new communicated-windows for ancient people. Moreover, we also find that some of his speech sentences are still available for our daily lives. Aristotle"s still famous around the world. He not only contributed (添加to)the development of science, he also improved the development of our communication.
CarieVinne -
吓我啊